Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
