well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
