I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
