You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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