Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Randomize
