I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
