I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Randomize
