Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
