Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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