so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
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