i permit you to call me
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Randomize
