You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
