so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
