cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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