I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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