I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
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