Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
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