the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
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