I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
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