Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
