I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
