Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
