The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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