The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
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