I can text with my tongue
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
