I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
