you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
