Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Randomize
