I CAN MOONWALK!
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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