she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
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