Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
My bed smells like the plague
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
