Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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