I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
worst night to have a conscience
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
