kristin has been a bad kristin
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Randomize
