i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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