why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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