your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
