last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
