i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
You've changed since you got that strap on
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
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