Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Say something about gay babies.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
