Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
