All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Randomize
