Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
farters have to be the big spoon...
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
