Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
