EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Randomize
