took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
