my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
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