we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Randomize
