im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
