It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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