Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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