Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Houston, we have a squirter
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
