just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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