You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
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