Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
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