Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
