one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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